My good friend Ashley and I ventured out of our homes yesterday and to the movie theatre. We saw Kicking and Screaming with Will Ferrell, Robert Duvall, some cute kids, and this guy Mike Ditka who I presume is a famous football coach (Yes, I know nothing about sports). As much as I love Will Ferrell, this was a children's movie. There were a couple of really good lines, very Ferrell-esque in quality. What is that haunting aroma? Still, it definitely wasn't worth the 11 dollars. Wait for it to come out on video.

I hadn't been to the theatre for at least a month. You see, I actually really hate going to the theatre and I abstain for as long as I can. Naturally, I always seem to forget why and end up going back for no good reason other than to waste time. I don't mind the whole theatre experience as long as it's to see a really good movie. Unfortunately, I haven't been to a really good movie in.... Well, I can't remember the last good movie I saw... So it has been that long. My typical experience at the cinema is embodied in last night's visit.

First off, I managed to choose a movie for kids... on a Friday. Just in case you don't catch my drift as you've forgotten what it was like to be young, the 'rents tend to be more lenient with curfews on the weekend. No matter what time you pick, the rugrats are there! Consequently, the theatre was packed with little chillens above the age where they're all unquestionably adorable. In fact, they were all the age that I hate. Little preteens everywhere. I certainly never dreamt it would come down to this, but I've reached the age where if I'm sharing a c-train car with a group of kids aged 11-17, I really question why god hates me so much. Honestly, why me?

I was completely surrounded by these annoying children whose brains haven't quite developed into anything worth mentioning. I'm not going to say that all of them are little dullards, but you have to admit that as a whole... I was probably like that when I was younger too, but I'm not anymore. Right, so I'm surrounded by these snot-nosed kids who I just know won't get the finer jokes of the movie. You know, they only laugh at the really obvious poopy jokes, or slapstick garbage.... or at their friend yelling obnoxious comments. This behaviour isn't distinctive to children. Adults do it too.... I hate them as well.

The one saving factor of this theatre experience was that there were no finer jokes in the movie. So, basically, there was no chance for me to laugh out loud by myself and feel like a dork. Except for during the previews (... Chris Rock in that new Adam Sandler film... roughly "I was so bad at sports when I was younger that they picked the white kids before they picked me." Now, that's funny.)

And that pretty much sums up why I hate the theatre: the theatre is either filled with little rats who don't get the good jokes and laugh at the obvious stuff, or by older dimwits who don't get the good jokes and laugh at the obvious stuff. I suggest that anyone of minor intelligence and more steer clear of the theatre unless they're going to see a very obscure film that the loser masses don't know exists.