crazy drunk man

16.5.05 Leave a Comment


I just had a crazy drunk man come banging on my door. For some idiotic reason I thought it might be my sister coming back from her vacation even though I know not to expect her. So there I was thinking, Why in the world is my sister banging on the door like some crazy lunatic drunk rapist man screaming 'Heeerrre's Johnny!"? Don't question my logic, because it just isn't there sometimes. Just ask anyone in my family and they'll tell you that although I am mildly intelligent, I don't act like it. For fun, and to ease my rattled nerves, (my hands are actually shaking) let me reenact it for you in the form of a play. If I knew iambic pentameter I'd do that. Unfortunately, I'm no Shakespeare and all I know is that it has something to do with five and those feet and backslash thingies.
Act I Scene I

From stage left - loud, violent banging as if on screen door. Young heroine sitting centre stage at laptop listening to the marvie local rock station. Looks around bewildered.

heroine: What was that?

Silence. Heroine shakes her head and continues what she was doing. Banging occurs again. This time louder, longer and more violent.

Heroine looks in the direction of the sound. Loud banging and door bell.

heroinethinking: Maybe it's my sister come back.

Heroine opens door a crack.

Enter crazydrunkman.

crazydrunkman: Hey is Jim here?

heroine: doy?

crazydrunkman: Ya, he used to live upstairs.

heroinethinking: What was the name of the guy upstairs again? [Aside to audience: it was Scott]

heroine: They moved out. At the beginning of the month.

crazydrunkman: Okay. Hey, do you guys have any crack or weed?

heroine: No, I'm afraid not.

Exit crazydrunkman
End of Act I Scene I 

And that just about sums up the whole experience. Exciting, non? To end on a happy-ish note, I rearranged and cleaned my room! What a good girl I am.

P.S. Give a listen to Beck's new single. It's a gooder.

 

2 comments »

  • Unknown said:  

    what? no crack or weed? How do you live?

    It's the crack of dawn and I'm awake because I have to go to work. These type of early mornings will kill me.

    8:13 a.m.
  • Anonymous said:  

    I can't believe you opened the door. That's what the peephole's for, yo.

    9:51 a.m.

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